My unexpected life journey

I haven’t been able to bring myself to write about my experiences in the next prison on Brazil.  So I’m just going to talk about things that come to mind.

I recently was hired for a job and this is the first time in a long time that I’m excited about the job – really excited.  I start my orientation on Wednesday, October 8 that will continue until October 10.  Hopefully I’ll be able to start immediately the next day.  I’m just working part time for now because I didn’t want to overwhelm myself into a bad Depressive episode.  I’m managing on my dosages right now and my next appointment is toward the end of the month.  On a personal note, I haven’t been doing well.  I’m stuck in a rut and can’t dig myself out.  It’s so easy for me to get overwhelmed and I freeze and can’t do anything – get out of the apartment or do any major cleaning or even minor stuff to be honest.  But I don’t share this information with my family because I can’t handle what they will say as a result.  I guess it’ll be shared with them if they ever come across this blog.

Mental health problems suck.  I didn’t know what will trigger a PTSD moment or major anxiety.  I know that starting a new job is a major change.  I’ve had nightmares about things that could crop up in the work environment.  It’s because my mind always looks for the worse case scenarios and presents them in my dreams but I didn’t really like that.  It rattles my cage and I feel off for a while after awakening after sleep. The nervousness is starting today but not bad yet.  It may be wise tomorrow but I hope not.  If it does, I’ll just talk to my therapist about it.  I usually don’t have issues with interacting with clients or co-workers in a job setting so I shouldn’t have a problem.

Back to mental health issues, I’ve dealt with people and their inability to understand or try to educate themselves on mental health issues.  When I was a teenager, I was told to just get over it and start being happy.  If only it was that easy.  There is such a lack of general education regarding to mental health although more focus is out on it than a few decades ago.  I was born in 1970 to a lady who put me up for adoption so my parents have had me since shortly after my birth.  Last year was when I found out I had been adopted.  That was a shock.  Everything I thought I knew was a lie.  So many falsehoods told to me my whole life and I can’t talk to my parents about it because they are both deceased.  When I was a kid, I even asked if I was adopted which they denied to my face.  That really affected my mental health when I found out.  It doesn’t affect me as much nowadays but that’s because I don’t actively think about it.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to write soon about my experiences in the last two prisons I was in while I was in Brazil.  For not, I’ll stop here.