My unexpected life journey

I know I’ve been away for a while.  So much has happened that I’ve been in a whirlwind.  I quit one job and a month later got a new one.  I enjoy this new job but I’m in turmoil.  I’m not making enough money to keep myself afloat.  I’m freaking out because I’m close to losing my apartment.  I have a hard time asking other people for help even though I believe they would help.  I don’t want to have to depend on others to keep me afloat because that’s just so wrong.

So I’ve been feeling really down since Monday.  No one, even my therapist, knows about this problem of mine.  So I’ve been struggling silently which is a mechanism I choose and have chosen most of my life.  I’m on a high wire and just lost my balancing pole and the safety net is so far away.

I’m going to start delivering food to bring in some more money.  My aunts are helping me already – they brought up the idea not me so I accepted that help.  I’m going to ask my job to get me more clients if they can.  I need to let them know about my predicament but I also need to tell my family as well.  It’s so hard to do because then the feelings of being a failure haunt me and sit heavy on my heart and mind.  Life sucks.